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the sound of Diane's voice.
"As the days progressed, I saw you guys were assholes. You
couldn't be trusted as far as I could throw you. And I may be
strong, but some of you weigh a lot."
She was growing angrier. Wuest reminded her that she could
leave at any time.
"I also know that I am not guilty; I have no reason to get up
and leave until you become offensiveùand you're working on itù
you really are. You're getting close. Borderline."
They were cops again. How could she have forgotten that?
"You have something to say?" Wuest asked.
"Oh my God," she cried. "You are so fucked up. I've told
you everything I could!"
But she had lied to them, they pointed out. She had withheld
the fact that the gunman knew her.
"You told us everything you could a month and a half ago,
two months ago," Wuest said. "And now we get more stuff and
who knows what the hell we will have next week?"
"Tell you what, guysùI'll make you a deal . . . OK. Next
time I remember something, fuck ya. You can find the guys
yourself, 'cause I know I didn't do it. You can chase your little
tails for the next twenty thousand years if that's what it takes.
You don't like my helpùyou can fuck it."
Th&y offered the door. She shook her head.
(, "I'm having too much fun."
But she wasn't. Somewhere, along the way, Diane's control
had wavered; she had lost the debate. These two young detectives
had turned nasty on her.
SMALL SACRIFICES 259
She wasn't going to leave until she won.
Doug Welch was the worst, nipping at her with his questions.
He had been polite, respectful, bitten his tongue for two solid
months. Now, he could allow enmity to creep into his voice. He
told her she hadn't had the guts to commit suicide.
"No guts? If I had the guts to shoot my own flesh and blood,
why wouldn't I have the guts to end it all and not remember any
of it?"
"Diane's a pretty important person, Diane's Number One;
Diane always has been Number One," Welch hammered. "Steve
wouldn't be a good father and you don't want him to have the
kids."
"You're right. I agree with that."
"And you're very--you're possessive of those kids."
"I love my kids, yes."
"Well, it goes beyond love. It goes--there's a lot of possessiveness."
"It goes to being willing to die for them, yeah--" she said.
"Wait a second," Wuest said. "Would you give your own
life for your children?"
"Yes."
"And you stood there and watched them get shot? And you
didn't do a damn thing."
"I guess so. I don't know."
"Figure that one out," Welch said. Diane was as enraged as
he had ever seen her. Would she get angry enough to tear the
sarcastic, superior facade away--to "remember" what was in the
void? "You stood by and watched your kids executed, lady."
"Yeah--I agree with you."
"And then you hung around long enough for the guy to talk
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to you."
"No."
"Yeah."
"He didn't say anything afterward, except 'Don't say anything.'
That's not talking."
"But there was other conversation. You just don't happen to
recall it."
"That's right."
"Or want to--"
"Right. Before the shooting, because I remember from the
shooting on. Something was said before the shooting."
"What?"
260 ANN RULE
"I don't know."
"Back to the void again."
"I forgot I wasn't going to try with you guys. You're assholes.
You don't really want to know the truth. You just want to find a
way to clean this up--"
"We want to know the truth--"
"No, you don't."
"From the beginning, you kept throwing us little bits and
pieces ..."
"I'm sorry if my mind--OK. I'll tell you what. I'll make a
deal with you guys. You don't make deals--I forgot."
"We don't make deals," Wuest agreed.
"Well then, fuck you. I was going to say--give me two
weeks and I'll give you the whole story in a pie-pan. I can't
guarantee that either, 'cause I don't know if I'll ever really
remember."
"You can walk out, you can walk out anytime you want."
"I'm about ready to."
"How many mothers," Welch's voice cut through the tension,
deliberately dripping venom. She half-smiled at him; they
both knew he was playing a part. Still, his words shook her.
"How many mothers who are good, wholesome, loving mothers--
like you--are not going to protect their children in time of
danger?"
"I have no idea."
"One was [killed], and Mom gets away with a little hole in
the arm?"
"I don't know."
"Isn't that bizarre?"
"Yeah it is."
"Mom didn't do any fighting or anything. Isn't that strange?"
"And this guy is one hell of a shot," Wuest added.
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